In the spirit of throwbacks, here’s one that was previously published on my former blog. Be blessed!
As believers I believe we get so caught up in our desires to live the kind of life God expects us to live that we sometimes forget that it is God who works in, through and for us. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the Holiness who is God that we try to only bring our good parts and thoughts before God in prayers. Now I’m not saying this is wrong but then I had an experience a few weeks back that sort of just changed my orientation about a couple of things.
So if you’ve been reading my other blog posts, you know that I’m a grace- chic. You know, saved by grace and completed by grace. I can safely say I have a basic understanding that nothing is by works- just grace; but it’s amazing how you can know something and still forget its existence sometimes.
A few weeks back, I caught myself subconsciously ruminating on a thought; now the issue was that the thought was in no way ‘holy’. In fact it was probably the nastiest thought my mind had ever conceived. I was confused; I had never imagined such a thought would nag me. I didn’t know where it came from. Naturally, the self-righteousness in me kicked in and I tried to bury the thought. I didn’t want it, majorly because I prefer to have a free mind whenever I pray. But as it would happen, whenever I tried to pray, this thought- image would just surface from the pit of sand in my mind where it was buried and somehow in the process of burying that thought while praying, I’d get distracted from my prayers. I would feel so angry. You know, I didn’t want to meet God in prayers with my filthy thought. I didn’t want to talk to Jesus with a dirty thought nagging me. So I would pray to Jesus to make me forget that thought so that I could communicate with Him better. (can you hear the self-righteous girl talking?)
For that period, I actually forgot that He’s God and He’s omniscient. I mean, He knows it all. And by all I mean all, including the thought I was trying to bury before meeting Him. I can imagine Him just watching me, smiling, and wondering what exactly I was trying to hide from Him.
For that period, I forgot that I was saved by grace even when I was still a sinner and it didn’t have anything to do with what my thoughts were or were not.
For that period I forgot that His love for me is unexplainable, beyond human reasoning and that He wouldn’t love me less for having one nasty thought. I mean I’m in a process of mind renewal, of course He understands that.
Most importantly, I forgot that it is Him who works in me, both to do and to will of HIS good pleasure. So if there’s something in me that isn’t giving Him pleasure, it is HIS work to remove it. All I had to do was admit to it, bare them before Him and let Him work His miracle.
While I was going through that phase, I refused to admit it to Him that I had something I was dealing with that was affecting my fellowship with HIM. I just wanted HIM to make it disappear. God is not a puppet, neither is He a magician. So when He brought those things to my remembrance, I went to Him in prayers, and this time I let the thought surface, didn’t struggle with it, I just let HIM see it all. I admitted I was weak and couldn’t do it myself. I asked Him to deal with it for me. I confessed HIS unwavering love for me. I decided to be calm and just let HIM mold me into the woman HE wants me to be.
Goodnews people!! I didn’t even know when the thought left. I didn’t have to ‘work hard’ to forget it, I just kinda forgot it; which is why I’m posting this now. I actually just remembered I dealt with something like that a few weeks back. Remembering it now isn’t to say the thought is lingering in my mind, nope. It’s just remembering that it used to at some point and God has given me victory over it.
God is not a task master. He is our father, he loves us, cares for us, and most importantly, knows us more than we know ourselves. Remember we can always talk to HIM about ANYTHING at all. HE’S interested in every aspect of our lives; spirit soul and body. HE is in the business of transforming us and guess what? Even after knowing it all (good and bad), HE still loves us the same!!!!! Don’t you ever forget this!! EVER!!!
Share in the comment boxes if you’ve ever experienced something similar and how God helped you deal with it. Have a lovely day ahead!
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